Back-to-School Tip #1: Communication is the key to navigating changes

It’s safe to say 2020 has been one of the strangest years in our kids’ lives — their school year shift­ed abrupt­ly in March, their par­ents became their teach­ers, and then every­thing that requires pants was can­celed! They can’t see their friends, they have to wear masks when they leave the house, and now plans and dif­fi­cult deci­sions are being made about the new school year. Adults are strug­gling to cope with all these events, so you can be sure that kids are hav­ing a hard time too. But they don’t nec­es­sar­i­ly tell us that with words — they show us with their behav­iors. Whin­ing, cry­ing, clingy behav­ior, trou­ble falling asleep, reduced or increased appetite, out­bursts, and oth­er behav­ioral con­cerns are all pos­si­ble indi­ca­tors that kids are hav­ing a hard time with changes in their lives. Hope­ful­ly, for all of us, things will start to set­tle down and return to some­thing clos­er to nor­mal soon. But talk­ing with your kids about what is hap­pen­ing is the most impor­tant thing you can do to help them through the tough stuff. That sounds eas­i­er than it is, so here are some tips for get­ting started.

• Ask them what they think about every­thing that has hap­pened in the last few months, espe­cial­ly about the parts you sus­pect were most dif­fi­cult for them.​“What was it like hav­ing mom/​dad as a teacher?” or ​“What did you miss most when you couldn’t go to school?” or ​“How are you feel­ing about return­ing to school?”
• Lis­ten — real­ly lis­ten — to what they’re say­ing. This is prob­a­bly the tough­est tip on the list because, as par­ents and guardians, it can be dif­fi­cult to hold our tongues and not offer direc­tion, advice, or even to try to min­i­mize their dis­tress. The key is to avoid say­ing, ​“Yes, but…” in response to what they say. Things like, ​“It sounds like…” or ​“I won­der if…” tend to open the door to com­mu­ni­ca­tion. Try lis­ten­ing to under­stand and set your need to be under­stood aside for a few minutes.
• Explain to your child what deci­sions you are mak­ing about this com­ing school year and why. Answer any ques­tions they have.
• If your kids are reluc­tant to talk, try using board or card games that include question/​answer oppor­tu­ni­ties. You can also find con­ver­sa­tion starters for free on Pinterest.
• Final­ly, if your kid­do isn’t a talk­er or your attempts to com­mu­ni­cate don’t go over well, try to con­nect instead. Play a video game, take a walk, or col­or together.
• If you are con­cerned about your child’s response to recent events and changes, reach out to his or her doc­tor or a coun­selor for more assistance.