Back to School Dos and Don’ts

Anoth­er school year is upon us. This is a wel­come relief for some and a cause of heart­burn for oth­ers. What­ev­er side you’re on, here are a few tips to start the year off right.

DO make sure your child gets enough sleep.

School-aged kids should get between 9 and 11 hours of sleep per night with the lit­tle ones clos­er to the 11 hour mark. Insuf­fi­cient sleep is the under­ly­ing cause for many school-relat­ed prob­lems. Keep bed­time as con­sis­tent as pos­si­ble, even on week­ends, to help kids think and feel their best. Bonus tip: When kids go to bed at a decent hour, par­ents have more time to them­selves in the evening. Just kid­ding. When kids go to bed at a decent hour, par­ents have more time wash dish­es, pay bills, do the laun­dry, pick up crap they didn’t get out, and also wor­ry about all the things they won’t have time to do.

DON’T speak neg­a­tive­ly about the teacher/​school in front of your child.

Maybe you’ve heard bad things about your child’s new teacher. Per­haps you dis­agree with how a teacher han­dled a dis­ci­pli­nary sit­u­a­tion. Or maybe you just don’t see eye-to-eye with the prin­ci­pal. These are all very real con­cerns par­ents face. How­ev­er, it is impor­tant to avoid bad­mouthing the teacher or school in front of your child. Kids need to have trust in school staff in order to feel safe and per­form at their best. Hear­ing par­ents say neg­a­tive things about their teacher will inter­fere with the devel­op­ment of this trust and aca­d­e­m­ic per­for­mance and behav­ior at school can suf­fer as a result. You are enti­tled to your con­cerns and should address them. How­ev­er, with very few excep­tions your child needs to see you and school as a unit­ed front.

DO stay in touch with your child’s teacher.

If you have con­cerns, he or she prob­a­bly does too. If a teacher calls you, return their call. I know you’re busy but so is the teacher and if he or she is try­ing to con­tact you, there’s a reason.

DON’T assume your child is always telling the whole truth.

There are at least two ver­sions of every sto­ry and what your adorable bun­dle of joy tells you about an inci­dent at school is prob­a­bly skewed in his or her favor. I’m not say­ing your child lies to you, but keep in mind that you may be miss­ing impor­tant pieces of infor­ma­tion. Ask­ing ques­tions like ​“What did you do next?” and ​“How did you han­dle that?” as they tell their ver­sion will help keep the focus on what your child con­tributed to the sit­u­a­tion. Be sure to talk to the school to get the oth­er side of the sto­ry before jump­ing to conclusions.

DO advo­cate for you child.

You are your child’s biggest fan. Take that job seri­ous­ly. If you feel your child’s aca­d­e­m­ic needs are not being met, address this with the teacher or prin­ci­pal. But it’s impor­tant to note that advo­cat­ing for your child does not usu­al­ly require anger, defen­sive­ness, or nas­ti­ness. I know that the Mom­ma or Papa Bear in all of us can be eas­i­ly trig­gered when it comes to our babies, but remem­ber that school staff want the best for your kid too. They chose to work in edu­ca­tion for a reason.

DON’T bail your kid out every time.

As they grow, it’s impor­tant that your chil­dren work hard­er than you to solve their prob­lems. Before jump­ing in, con­sid­er the impor­tance of liv­ing with and learn­ing from nat­ur­al con­se­quences. It’s okay to help some­times but if your kid for­gets his home­work or cold lunch at home on a reg­u­lar basis, it might not be in his best inter­est to come to the res­cue. Instead ask ques­tions like ​“How are you going to han­dle this?” or ​“Looks like you’re in a real bind. What’s the first step?”

DO lim­it screen time dur­ing the week.

No mat­ter their age, chil­dren need guide­lines when it comes to their elec­tron­ic devices. Their devel­op­ing brains just aren’t ready to set or enforce their own lim­its. One way to teach this is to talk about com­plet­ing ​“got­ta dos before wan­na dos” or doing required tasks like home­work and chores before recre­ation­al things like video games. Oth­er strate­gies include lim­it­ing screen time to a cer­tain amount each day or elim­i­nat­ing it com­plete­ly until the week­end. Chil­dren who watch TV or play on elec­tron­ic devices right before bed may take longer to fall asleep. Teens who have ²⁴⁄₇ access to their smart­phones often strug­gle to set appro­pri­ate bound­aries, mes­sag­ing their friends and play­ing games through­out the night. A ​“Last Call” for elec­tron­ics can help pre­vent these problems‑6 or 7pm is good for younger kids and a lit­tle lat­er for old­er kids.

DON’T ignore red flags.

Con­sis­tent­ly low grades and recur­rent behav­ior prob­lems at school can be signs of big­ger issues. Undi­ag­nosed depres­sion, ADHD, anx­i­ety, and learn­ing dis­abil­i­ties can all man­i­fest in this way. If you think your child is strug­gling, seek pro­fes­sion­al help. Check with the school social work­er to see if your child is eli­gi­ble for test­ing through his or her school. Sched­ule an appoint­ment with a coun­selor or ask your child’s doc­tor for advice. The Quin­cy Med­ical Group Behav­ioral Health Depart­ment offers basic assess­ments of men­tal health symp­toms, ADHD eval­u­a­tions, and glob­al assess­ments which assess for a wide range of cog­ni­tive, emo­tion­al, and behav­ioral dif­fi­cul­ties. Call QMG Behav­ioral Health recep­tion at (217)222‑6550, ext. 3418 for more information.

DO be patient.

The first few weeks of a new school year are rough for every­one-kids, par­ent, teach­ers, house­hold pets. New rules, new sched­ules, new expe­ri­ences, and new peo­ple make for big adjust­ments for lit­tle peo­ple. Espe­cial­ly if your child is in ele­men­tary school, count on a few rocky weeks as every­one gets used to all of these changes. Don’t wor­ry, just about the time every­one gets adjust­ed, it will be Sum­mer so you can start the process all over again.

DON’T skip homework. 

Home­work isn’t always pop­u­lar with kids or par­ents, but dur­ing the ear­ly years it gives kids prac­tice for when their grades and suc­cess will depend on it. Home­work teach­es orga­ni­za­tion skills, respon­si­bil­i­ty, and inde­pen­dent think­ing. It’s an oppor­tu­ni­ty for par­ents to see what their kids are learn­ing and be part of that process. Home­work is also a great way for par­ents to lose their ever-lov­ing minds. If that’s been your expe­ri­ence, tune in next week when I’ll share some ideas for tak­ing the bat­tle out of home­work time.

Until then,

Nik­ki

*The con­tent in this blog should nev­er be con­sid­ered an alter­na­tive to qual­i­ty med­ical or men­tal health care and is intend­ed to be a source of infor­ma­tion only.